I had several people ask me to open a conversation about how we can be more mindful about responding to people’s experiences and vulnerable posts here. I would like this place to be a culture of support, connection, and learning.
The women here have always shared really vulnerable stories. I love that fact and I want to keep that happening. I’ve seen over and over again that many women say this is the only place they feel comfortable sharing their story…both celebrations and pain.
As our group grows we will have a bigger and bigger range of skill sets around how we respond to vulnerable posts. While we can’t control how everyone responds we can name that there are specific skills that can be implemented when someone is sharing something particularly vulnerable.
First, if you are the sharer:
1) Ask for specifics around what you want from the group. (ie. active listening, reflections, hearing others stories on the topic.)
2) Name things you don’t want. (ie advice, triggered reactions, etc)
If you are the responder:
1) If the person hasn’t asked for something specific then asking a clarifying question about what they need could be helpful.
2) Reflecting back something that they said that affected you is a powerful way to respond.
3) If you feel shocked and/or appalled by a vulnerable post, it’s probably a good idea to take a step back from that thread.
4) If something you want to say is very personal or private or you are very concerned, PM the person.
5) Ask the moderators to step in if you are concerned. You can PM us anytime. Misha, Gayle, Airial, Angi
6) Try to avoid giving advice unless specifically asked for by the poster.
7) If you feel a charge of anger or are triggered by what a person says we encourage you to talk to them directly in a PM. It is very easy to dehumanize another person online and private messaging brings the connection to a more personal level.
Before you Speak, THINK
T – Is it True?
H – Is it Helpful?
I – Is it Inspiring?
N – Is it Necessary?
K – Is it Kind?